The Flow State

The flow channel opens when you are doing what you really love to do!

The email arrived at noon. It felt like an attack — parasitic in nature. Another attempt for him to settle, urging me to agree to his terms. I felt my body react first. The cortisol went racing throughout all systems. A familiar panic set in again. I could taste the adrenaline drip into the back of my mouth. It had a foul, sour taste. I was overcome with an urge to spit it out…but the taste was just an illusion. 

I phoned a friend to discuss and vent. I felt validated by sharing my truth and receiving my friends reassuring words. However, the issue was still very real. The phone conversation didn’t erase the email. 

Divorce is hard.

I stared at the computer screen. My mind started to twist and turn. How could he? Then I stopped myself and flipped the question on myself. How could I? This end of a chapter is an opportunity to grow and spread some wings. To tap into my gifts and find new ways to live, and be free.

This unforeseen life hurdle is also a golden invitation to inch towards mastering my mindset. I must think about this divorce in a new way.  The victim mentality will not get me anywhere. After all, the mindset is the programming that runs the mind and therefore runs our lives. If a belief is just a thought I keep thinking over and over again, then I can train my mind to think thoughts that are in alignment with abundance, joy, gratitude, peace, love, and, well, you get the idea. Easier said than done, I know. 

Spirit Guides 

I revisited the email for a third time trying to accept his stance. I shook my head in disgust and walked out to the garden. A hawk greeted me in the distance with a piercing sound. The translation was “you are not alone.” There was another reverberating call which created a knowing of “all is well.” I’m weirdly attracted to finding out the spiritual meaning of animals. When they enter my field of vision I don’t think their appearance is coincidental. I believe they are messengers from another realm. 

The first day that I moved into my new home as a single mom I looked out the kitchen window and there were two red tailed hawks on the fence post. Their presence was both protective and welcoming. With gratitude I accepted the blessing and saw the hawks as a positive omen. They embodied leadership and strength. Resilience and power. Traits I would need for this next chapter. They were yet another sign that this massive transformation was moving in the right direction.

The spiritual meaning of a hawk can vary depending on the situation. Hawks represent change, clarity, pursuing goals and dreams, protection, and honoring inner wisdom. Hawks are graceful yet powerful beings that go after what they need and want.

Now, I see these hawks frequently enough to know they are my protectors. If I wander into the field of doubt, fear, worry, lack, scarcity, or whatever low vibrational thought I entertain, the hawk will come into view and wake me up to the reality, which is that my life is magnificent and beautiful. It's a choice on how we perceive things.

One perception is that my life is exploding, but all of the pieces flying around will be intentionally placed back into order or tossed out for good. It’s a beautiful and messy reorganization from married life to single life. Everything is changing. It takes time to adjust. 

Returning to the Garden

As soon as I enter my garden I feel the frantic energy that courses through my nervous system drop a notch. The email content fades as I scan the sanctuary surrounded by a fence built by my twelve year old daughter.  I instinctively pull weeds and turn my attention towards my tomatoes. This is the year I’ve produced the most tomatoes yet. Each year I tinker with ways to support vigorous growth that enhances the size and structure of the plant, allowing for more abundance. I experiment with many tomato varieties and it’s hard to select a favorite. Every plant holds elements and flavors that are unique. With more than 10,000 tomato varieties available, selecting the perfect tomato can be challenging. I’m excited to share my secrets with you in the spring.  

As I search for ripe tomatoes and scan for rotten ones to toss into the compost,  my mind shifts into a flow state. I’m not even aware of it at the time because my mind goes blank. Time disappears. There is no thinking. No analyzing. I’m in a state of being. I methodically pluck tomatoes. I stop and eat some off the vine. One of my favorite parts of being in a garden is eating plants that are alive. I pair the tomatoes with the fresh basil that’s growing nearby. It’s a symphony of flavor. A dose of nutrients that my vessel needed. The sun penetrates through my skin, the fresh air cleanses the nasal passageways, and the birds call out messages of peace. The Earth can heal us if we allow it to. 

The Flow State

Positive psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi asked an important question, one you may have also asked yourself. "What makes a life worth living?" His initial findings were that a life worth living is simply a happy life. His next question was: “where and how do we feel really happy in everyday life?” The operative word is everyday. His curiosity led him to people who were experts in certain fields and spent time doing activities they excelled in and preferred to do. Artists, athletes, musicians, chess masters, and scientists were his subjects of inquiry. After some field research, Csikszentmihalyi coined the term “flow state” and defined it as a state of mind in which a person becomes fully immersed in a passion fueled activity. Flow is more than concentrating or paying attention. It’s an altered state of consciousness. Those in flow are so effortlessly engaged in a task and time flies by, they are not easily distracted, and feelings of self-judgment diminish.

As years moved along Csikszentmihalyi widened his research. Not surprisingly, he discovered people from all cultures, all walks of life, and all socio-economic status have access to the flow state. People herding sheep in the Italian alps, mediocre surfers along beaches all over the world, novice gardeners, and elders knitting can all reach a state of flow. Therefore, the activity does not matter. A joyful life is an individual creation. If the goal is to improve the quality of life, the flow theory can point the way. According to Csikszentmihalyi, “The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times…the best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

One could conclude that reaching the flow state may be the new Rx for so many of modern day ailments. The flow channel opens when you are doing what you really love to do. Think about what brings you joy and do more of that. The benefits create better emotional regulation, happiness, intrinsic motivation, productivity, focus, engagement, performance, creativity, learning, and skill development.

Back to Tomatoes 

After my basket was full of tomatoes, I felt satisfied with how my plants looked and felt. I snapped a photo to capture the moment. I wore a giant smile as I reflected on how I manifested this moment. A year ago I was in a very different season of life. Still married, feeling stuck and trapped. Once I moved into my new space, I intentionally created a garden to serve as my sanctuary. A place to grow food and a place to heal. Food is medicine for the mind and body. 

I exit the garden and quickly recognize how my mood has shifted. I stand still to pause and take it all in. The contrast from reading that email at my desk to the moment in the garden is drastically different. I’m no longer in fear. I’m not gripped by the stories. That email is now perceived as loud noise and I can choose to ignore it. The adrenal drip has subsided. The fight or flight response has dissipated and I’ve returned to a peaceful state — a state of gratitude. The joy inside spreads. Instead of cortisol racing through the system, I imagine it’s been replaced with nourishing light. Light from the sun, my plants, positive thoughts, and a period of time being in the flow state. 

I sink back into gratitude. I’m truly grateful for so much. My healthy children. They are both thriving in all the ways. Showcasing more resiliency than I knew was possible. My gratitude extends to my home and the land that it sits upon which provides space to garden. The endless support of my friends and family is another thread of gratitude. The list continues on and on. I’m grateful for the ability to see my favorite band, Phish. Meeting new people. Having new experiences. Traveling. Reading. Reading glasses. Facials. Dark chocolate. Hot tea. Saunas. Campfires. Watching the leaves fall. And my new life. 

My new life is unfolding in new and unexpected ways. I’m scared about how I’ll make it all work on my own, but I’m leaning into trust. I’m learning to let go of the life I had planned in my head, and allowing my heart to lead. Knowing we all have a warrior spirit inside that may be resting. My sense is that we don’t know how strong we are until the only option is to be strong. 

The hawks call out again. A signal to my soul.  I send my gaze towards the trees and search to find the hawks. I want a glimpse of their majestic beauty. Scanning the trees as the wind shakes the leaves in one direction is hypnotic. I allow myself to get lost in the rhythms of nature. Life is always so much better outside. We are creatures of the Earth. We are meant to interact with the elements intimately. Staying in confined spaces is not good for anyone. In order to live expansive lives, we must go out into the expansive world. Find states of flow. Tap into freedom. Travel. Talk to strangers. Quit the unfulfilling job. Write the book. Sleep under the stars. Leave the marriage. Move abroad. Share the unshared song. Do what tugs at your heartstrings. Let go of fear. Lean into excitement. Trust. Surrender. Feel a bit of magic. 

I turn and glance back at the garden. It’s currently a mess due to my summer travels and lack of consistent attention. The weeds may be tall, but my garden keeps giving me the reset I need to carry on. It’s one of the places where I can flow, just be, absorb nature, and let go. The more we let go, the more we return back to our true nature, which is love. As a result I have more love to pour into my home, my amazing daughters, into my own heart, and other humans I meet along the way.

Stepping back inside my home, I hear legos clicking together and Taylor Swift singing on the JBL speakers. I feel a rush of excitement. I’m on my own now and ready to create a new reality. I have no idea what’s ahead, but I’m certain I’ll find ways to source joy everyday. The most important thing for my daughters to see is a happy mom. They have that now.  My laptop comes into view. I could read the email again, respond to it, or ignore it. I choose to ignore it.

I have nothing figured out. Yet, somehow I know it’s all going to work out. I’m trusting the process. There is chaos from one vantage point, but when I rise above like the hawk, I see this phase is temporary. It will pass. All storms do. What I feel is that something beautiful is seeking to emerge and that feels exciting. I will stay in that energy. It’s way better than panic.

Much Love,

Grace

“Stop thinking and end your problems”  -Lao Tzu

Interested in learning more about the flow state? Listen to this Ted Talk.

More on Tomatoes

My garden is resting. Mostly. Friends further south and west are still harvesting tomatoes. Here is a simple recipe if you are one of those lucky ones currently gathering yard food. If your region has shifted to autumn, check the farmers markets for fresh tomatoes and try this Pico De Gallo recipe. Mix it up. Enjoy! 

Pico De Gallo

*Chop 3-4 fresh tomatoes

*Dice 1/2 red onion

*Add handful of cilantro

*Mince 1 jalapeno

*½ tsp salt

* ½ tsp cumin

*2 tbsp lime

*Pepper to taste